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15 sad but true reasons why you are still single

Is there something wrong with you? That's what everyone keeps asking you ever since your last relationship ended. And, even though you don't want to admit it - maybe there is. But, before you go blaming yourself or trying to figure out what's "wrong" with you, let's take a step back and look at some of the possible reasons why you're still single.

Dating Expert James Mendoza October 6, 2022 • 7 minutes read
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Is there something wrong with you? Could it be that your bad habits are pushing people away? That’s what everyone keeps asking you ever since your last relationship ended. And, even though you don’t want to admit it - maybe there is. But, before you go blaming yourself or trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with you, let’s take a step back and look at some of the possible reasons why you’re still single.

No matter the reason, we’ve got 15 of them for you listed below. So, read on and see if any of them resonate with you…then get to work.

1. You’re too picky

If you’re constantly finding fault with potential partners, it’s likely that you’re being too picky. It’s important to be discerning when looking for a partner, but if you’re always rejecting people for superficial reasons, you may never find anyone who meets your standards.

2. You haven’t met the right person yet

It sounds cliché, but it’s true —  sometimes, you just haven’t met the right person yet. Don’t worry, they’re out there somewhere! Just make sure to find them in the right places! Not meant to say that there isn’t any potential marriage material in the clubs and bars, but if you truly want serious, then act serious too.

3. You’re not ready for a relationship

If you’re not feeling ready for a relationship, that’s totally OK. There’s no rush – you’ll find someone when the time is right. Or the right person will come at a time when you aren’t even looking for love! Either way, both scenarios will eventually happen for patient hopeless romantics like yourself.

4. You’re afraid of commitment

If you’re afraid of commitment, it might be preventing you from finding a partner who’s perfect for you. It’s important to be honest with yourself about your feelings on commitment before getting into a relationship. If you’re lucky enough, you might find a partner who’s willing to wait until you’re ready to commit.

Until then, they may act like a lover and friend while still giving you the space you need. Just be sure that you are afraid of commitment in general, and not about being afraid to commit to that person when it comes! Because otherwise, these are just two different things.

5. You’re not looking in the right places

If you’re only looking for potential partners in bars or clubs, you might be limiting your options. As mentioned above, try broadening your search by looking online or attending social events where you’ll meet new people.

Try going to hobby conventions that you like and you’ll likely meet someone who you are more likely to be interested with from the start!

6. You’re still healing from a past relationship

If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, it’s understandable that you might be hesitant to jump into another one. Give yourself time to heal and work through your feelings before getting back out there. Try going to therapy or reading self-help books. Doing so will also better yourself for your next partner!

7. You’re not being yourself

If you’re putting on a persona around potential partners, it’s likely that they’re not getting to see the real you. Be yourself – if someone doesn’t like you for who you are, they’re not worth your time.

If you find yourself being inhibited, then it only means that you are forcing it. You’ll be single for a long time if you keep being restricted.

8. You’re too busy for a relationship

A busy lifestyle can make it difficult to find time for a relationship. If you’re always on the go, consider slowing down a bit and making time for dating. If not, consider putting a timeline on when you think you should start dating again.

What personal milestones or achievements do you think you need to achieve before you’re ready for a relationship? Ask yourself similar questions and you’ll get to a point where you see yourself being with someone new.

9. You have trust issues

If you’ve been betrayed in the past, it can be hard to let yourself trust someone new. Trust is an important part of any relationship, so if you’re struggling with this issue, it might be preventing you from finding lasting love.

It’s a good idea to get into therapy to learn how to be more trusting again. And usually, trust issues aren’t necessarily personal issues. It’s leftover baggage from past relationships that have been more likely toxic. Going to therapy can unload all that baggage!

10. You’re carrying baggage from a past relationship

If you’re still holding onto anger or resentment towards an ex, it’s time to let it go. Carrying that baggage into a new relationship will only sabotage your chances for happiness. It can prevent you from focusing on the new person you are trying to date!

11. You’re not over your ex yet

It’s normal to take some time to get over a previous relationship. But if you’re still hung up on your ex, it’s likely that you’re not ready for a new one. Give yourself some time and space to move on before jumping into another relationship. Try to refrain from getting into rebound relationships so quickly!

The key here is to make sure that you are fully healed and moved on from your relationship. When you are free from any bonds and chains from the past, you might find yourself actually falling for someone new. You’ll know and feel that your attraction to new people will be genuine if you have fully moved on.

12. You’re not being honest with yourself

If you’re not being honest with yourself about your wants and needs, it will be difficult to find someone who meets them. Be honest about what you’re looking for in a partner and in a relationship, and don’t settle for anything less.

You can have standards and some expectations regarding someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. Just make sure that whatever you’ve settled for is what you truly want and look for in someone who’ll be your lifetime partner.

13. You have unrealistic expectations

If you’re looking for a partner who meets all of your idealized criteria, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. Try to be open-minded and realistic in your search for love. Focus on more meaningful qualities when looking for a new partner. It could be their values, their experiences, the attitude— and so on. Don’t focus too much on temporary and fickle things like physical appearance, jobs, and possessions.

14. You’re afraid of being hurt again

It’s natural to be afraid of getting hurt again after experiencing pain in a previous relationship. But if you’re too afraid to take any risks, you might miss out on finding true love. Remember that anything worth having is worth the risk. It’s alright to be cautious but don’t let that guard keep you away from experiencing the full range of emotions that comes with loving and being loved.

15. You’re not ready to let someone in

If you’re guarded and closed off, it will be difficult for potential partners to get to know the real you. Try to relax and open yourself up to the possibility of finding lasting love. Be more welcoming of someone’s interest and attraction towards you. This doesn’t mean you’ll be vulnerable— no, not all! It only means you recognize and are willing to accept the love that your deserve (whatever form it may come in, and from whoever it may come from)!

Regardless of any of these reasons— why you’re still single depends solely on your readiness to be in a relationship. Don’t worry as relationships shouldn’t be rushed at all. It should come naturally and at your own pace. So until then keep working on yourself enjoy the single life for now!

The ultimate book list: Surviving and thriving as a single person

Whether you’re single by choice or circumstance, there’s no doubt that being unattached has its set of unique challenges. But being single can also be one of the most empowering experiences in life - if you let it. To help you make the most of your single status, we’ve compiled a list of books every single person should read.

  1. Enjoy Your Solo: How to Be Great at Being Single
  2. Being Single in a Couple's World: How to Be Happily Single While Looking for Love
  3. One Is A Whole Number: Recovering The Joy of Being Single
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Dating Expert

James Mendoza

James Mendoza is a freelance writer who specializes in writing about relationships, marriage, and living happily as a single. After getting through two divorces and being cheated …

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