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10 reasons why you can't get over your ex

The reason why you can't get over your ex could mean hormones, emotions, psychology, or fate. Calm down, and let this article tell you what you need to know about why you feel that way!

Author picture of James Mendoza
Dating Expert James Mendoza October 6, 2022 • 6 minutes read
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It’s been months, maybe even years, since your breakup, but here you are, still thinking about your ex constantly. There could be several reasons why you can’t get over your ex.

Perhaps you were never really able to properly mourn the end of the relationship. Maybe you still have unresolved feelings for them. Or, it could be that you’re simply holding on to the idea of what could have been. Below are ten possible reasons why you still can’t get over your ex and how to deal with them!

1. You’re still mourning

1. You're still mourning

When a relationship ends, it’s normal to go through the stages of grief. But sometimes, people never fully reach the acceptance stage. This can be because they were blindsided by the breakup and never had a chance to say goodbye properly.

Or, they might hold onto hope that the relationship could still be salvaged. Either way, not being able to properly mourn the end of a relationship can make it very difficult to move on. Allow yourself to go through the process and feel all the emotions. Once you deep dive into your psyche, you’ll have more clarity and maybe push yourself to get over your ex.

2. You still have unresolved feelings

Even if you were the one who ended things, it’s possible that you still have unresolved feelings for your ex. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have, which can be especially true regarding relationships.

If you still have strong feelings for your ex, letting them go won’t be easy. The remedy for this would be closure. And contrary to popular belief, closure can be achieved alone! So go through the self-care process, and you’ll be able to get over them.

3. You can’t let go

3. You can't let go

You’re holding onto the idea of what could have been because it’s easy to romanticize a relationship after it’s ended. We tend to remember only the good times and often idealize our exes. This can make it very hard to move on because we’re constantly longing for something that doesn’t exist anymore.

On the bright side, all that fantasizing can still become a reality. Just not with your ex. You have to accept that they are not who you thought they were. And you are better off finding the qualities you prefer in someone new.

4. They were your first love

First loves hold a special place in our hearts. They are often our most intense and passionate relationships and can be very difficult to let go of. If your first love was also your last, moving on could be especially tough.

Remind yourself that the numbers go on, and although your first love was unique, so can be your second, third, and so on! Because in the end, it’s not your significant other that’s special; it’s the love and bond you two shared and created.

5. You’ve invested a lot

5. You've invested a lot

You invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship. The longer a relationship lasts, the more time and energy we invest in it. So when it ends, it can feel like we’ve lost something precious. This can quickly become a handcuff tying you down.

In love, there are risks. You must accept that sometimes, anything time, love, and care you’ve invested have already claimed its returns, and it’s just not what you expected. Take the loss and reinvest in someone else! It could be a new love interest or even yourself.

6. The relationship was traumatic

Your relationship and breakup were traumatic for you. If this is the case, it can be even harder to overcome. This is because we’re not only grieving the loss of the relationship but also trying to make sense of what happened. We might be left feeling confused, hurt, and angry.

If it was traumatic, then getting over your ex doesn’t necessarily mean you still want them back. This only means that you have some inner work to do. You may be grieving for yourself. If this is the case, go seek therapy or indulge in self-care books and videos.

7. You shared everything with them

7. You shared everything with them

We often share everything with our partners when we’re in a close relationship, including our hopes, dreams, and fears. So when the relationship ends, it can feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves.

If you’re finding it hard to get over your ex because you shared everything with them and now feel like you have no one to talk to, it’s important to remember that other people in your life care about you. Talk to your friends and family about your feelings and lean on them for support during this difficult time.

8. They were your best friend

Many people struggle to get over an ex because they were also their best friend. Losing a romantic partner can mean losing someone we confide in, share common interests with, and rely on for support.

If this is the case, try focusing on (re)building your friendships with others. Spend time with your friends and loved ones, doing things you enjoy. You may also want to join social clubs or groups to meet new people who share your interests.

9. There is still contact

9. There is still contact

You can’t let go of your past relationship if you still see your ex on multiple occasions. This is because you’re constantly being reminded of them and the good times you had together.

To move on, you must cut off all contact with your ex. This means no texting, no calls, and no social media. Block their number if you have to, so you’re not tempted to reach out when you feel lonely or heartbroken.

10. You’re afraid of being alone

For many people, being single can be scary and overwhelming. We often associate being in a relationship with happiness and security, so the prospect of being alone can be daunting. But it’s important to remember that we can all be happy and fulfilled without a partner!

If you’re struggling to get over an ex, know that you are not alone. Many people need to learn how to let go of a past relationship, even if it ended long ago. Just remember to be patient with yourself, take things one day at a time, and reach out for support when you need it!

The best breakup books that will help you heal

It’s hard to move on after a breakup. The pain, anger, and confusion can be all-consuming. If you’re struggling to recover from a breakup, here’s a list of titles that might help. From self-help books to novels, you’re sure to find something on this list that can help you get through this tough time.

  1. Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You
  2. How to get over anyone in few days: Breakups will never hurt like before
  3. Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday: And Other Advice on Love, Sex, and Dating
  4. Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse
  5. After the Breakup: A Self-Love Journal: Prompts and Practices to Help You Get Over Your Ex
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Author picture of James Mendoza
Dating Expert

James Mendoza

James Mendoza is a freelance writer who specializes in writing about relationships, marriage, and living happily as a single. After getting through two divorces and being cheated …

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