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Ever caught yourself in a reflective moment, questioning if you or a loved one might be a lesbian? Delving into this realm isn’t about checking boxes on a list, but about understanding the fluid and diverse spectrum of attraction. Each journey is as unique as a fingerprint, and not everyone will feel aligned with every sign on our list.
In this article, we collected some of the most telling signs of lesbianism to help you understand. But remember, these aren’t definitive roadmaps but rather intriguing landmarks on one’s journey of discovery.
Don’t forget to keep an open heart and mind, and know that wherever you land on this spectrum, your feelings and identity are valid, precious, and wholly your own!
1. Women are your focus
Of course, one of the most common signs that someone is a lesbian is an attraction to women. This may sound like a no-brainer, but this attraction to women can also be very subtle. Some girls don’t even realize that they, for example, inspect women’s bodies more than men’s, or that they focus more on the female characters in movies, etc.
This can manifest itself in many different ways, such as admiring women’s physical appearance, fantasizing about being with a woman or feeling emotionally connected to women. If you find yourself constantly drawn to women, it could be a sign that you’re a lesbian.
2. You kissed a girl, and you liked it
Another common sign of being a lesbian is having had sexual or romantic experiences with women and enjoyed them. For some women, this may be their first clue that they’re interested in women.
They may have kissed a girl at a party and realized that they liked it a lot, or maybe even something more happened. Either way, if you found yourself enjoying intimate experiences with women, it could be a sign that you’re a lesbian.
3. You don’t feel the need to have a man in your life
In contrast to straight women, who often feel the need to have a man in their lives, lesbians typically don’t feel that same need. This is because they’re already satisfied with women both emotionally and sexually.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. Nowadays, it becomes more and more normal for many women to stay away from men altogether, regardless of their sexual orientation.
4. Men are somewhat gross for you
If you feel like most men are just plain unattractive or even gross for you, you might be a lesbian. In fact, most lesbians would feel repelled even thinking about having intercourse with a man.
It doesn’t mean that women who feel this way are lesbians for sure, as many other factors come into play when it comes to sexual orientation. However, if you can’t even bring yourself to think about sex with a man, it’s a possibility that you’re a lesbian.
5. You have a strong connection with other women
Another common sign of being a lesbian is having a strong emotional connection with other women. This can manifest itself in different ways, such as feeling more comfortable confiding in women or having deep and meaningful conversations with women while you don’t feel the same connection with men.
This emotional connection is often what differentiates lesbians from straight women. After all, women are socialized to be more in touch with their emotions than men, so it makes sense that lesbians would feel more comfortable expressing themselves emotionally to other women.
6. You’re not a big fan of traditional gender roles
Lesbians also tend to challenge traditional gender roles. For example, you might not feel the need to get married or have children, or you might challenge the notion that women should be submissive to men.
But still, this doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily a lesbian. Scrutinizing gender roles is also common among straight women, especially in recent years, which is a good thing!
Do you want to find out more about the queer community? Get to know all the terms and synonyms!
7. You’re not into traditional feminine things
Another common sign of being a lesbian is not being interested in traditionally feminine things. This could manifest itself in many different ways, such as not liking to wear makeup or women’s clothes or feeling uncomfortable with the idea of getting married and having children.
And that’s fine, even as a straight woman, but it can still indicate that you may be a lesbian, especially when combined with other signs on this list.
8. You feel like you don’t fit in with other women
If you feel like you don’t quite fit in with other women, it could be a sign that you’re a lesbian. This is because lesbians often feel like they don’t fit into the traditional mold of what it means to be a woman.
Imagine it’s girl’s night, and your female friends talk about straight sex or male genitalia. If you feel uncomfortable or even disgusted by the topic, it could be a sign that you’re not interested in men sexually.
9. You’re attracted to women but not necessarily sexual with them
It’s important to remember that attraction doesn’t always have to be sexual. So if you find yourself attracted to women but not necessarily wanting to have sex with them, it could still be a sign that you’re a lesbian.
It’s possible to be attracted to women without being sexually attracted to them. This is because sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things. Just because you’re attracted to women doesn’t mean you have to identify as a lesbian.
10. You feel like you can’t be yourself around men
If you feel like you can’t be yourself around men, it could be a sign that you’re a lesbian. This is because lesbians often feel like they have to put on a persona around men that isn’t them.
For example, you might find yourself dressing more masculine or downplaying your interest in women when you’re around men. This is because lesbians often feel like they have to act straight when they’re around men, which can be exhausting.
Are you quite sure now that you’re a lesbian? Then head over to our lesbian flirting tips!
There are many different signs that you might be a lesbian. But it’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to be a lesbian. You don’t have to fit into any specific mold or check off all the boxes on this list.
The most important thing is that you’re comfortable with your own sexuality, and you’re not doing anything that you’re not comfortable with. If you need help or an open ear, talk to a loved one or a specialist, if necessary. You deserve to be happy and to be yourself!
Must-read queer books to add to your reading list
Queerness is often left out of the mainstream conversation, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. If you're looking for a crash course on queer history, literature, and culture, look no further than this list of must-read queer books. From novels to memoirs to anthologies, these books will give you a much-needed education and insight on LGBTQ+ lives and experiences that are often overlooked or ignored.
- Queer Cosmos: The Astrology of Queer Identities & Relationships
- Gay Dating, your guide to finding love: The essential read for every gay man
- Beyond Monogamy: Polyamory and the Future of Polyqueer Sexualities
- Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference
- Helping Gay Men Find Love: Tips for Guys on Dating and Beginning a Healthy Relationship