A life-long, successful marriage requires more than just love. It also takes hard work and dedication to make it last. Active listening is a key factor in making a marriage strong and stable. 1
Being an active listener isn’t something you learn overnight, but it is a skill that can be honed with practice. This article will discuss the basics of active listening and how it can benefit your marriage.
Being a good listener is essential in any relationship. Learn to be active listeners and show your partner that you care with these practical tips.
Communication in a happy marriage
Good communication is the lifeblood of any good marriage. For many people, marriage can be a difficult transition without the right communication skills. Without the willingness to make it work, marriages can quickly deteriorate. 2
When a marriage works, it just works. People who are in happy marriages have greater social support, increased general well-being, and longer life expectancies. 3 4 5
Are communication problems getting in the way of your relationship? Learn how effective communication can help create and maintain a strong bond with your partner.
Active listening in marriage
Active listening is the practice of focusing on what your partner is saying and responding thoughtfully to their feelings, needs, and ideas. It involves paying attention not just to the words being said but also to the body language and other nonverbal cues. 6
Are you unknowingly damaging your relationship through body language? Identify and rectify these harmful nonverbal cues to foster a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
Active listening requires being present and attentive to your partner’s words and feelings. This means that you have to take the time to listen to what your partner is saying and try to understand their perspective.
It also means being open-minded and considering their point of view, even if it’s different from yours. It means not responding with judgment or criticism and instead showing genuine interest in what they’re saying.
The benefits of active listening in a marriage
When done correctly, active listening provides plenty of marriage benefits. Here are just a few:
1. Improved conflict resolution and reduced tension
Practicing active listening can help couples better resolve conflicts and reduce tension. Marital tension is often the result of destructive conflict behaviors, like criticism, defensiveness, and avoidance. 7
When couples take the time to actively listen to each other and respond thoughtfully, these behaviors can be significantly reduced. This can lead to more positive conflict resolution and less tension in the marriage.
2. Increased feelings of closeness and understanding
Active listening can help create a deeper understanding and connection between partners. Because you’re showing a genuine interest in what your partner is saying, it creates a sense of warmth and closeness that wouldn’t otherwise be possible. 8
Your spouse will feel heard and valued, leading to greater closeness and understanding. You and your partner can share more meaningful conversations and feel closer to each other.
3. Deepened understanding of your partner’s needs and desires
One of the most beneficial aspects of active listening is that it allows you to understand your partner’s needs and desires better. This can help you to anticipate their needs and respond more effectively.
Understanding what your partner needs and desires helps you be more open to compromise and cooperation. This can lead to a more satisfying marriage because your needs are being met. 9
Knowing your partner’s needs is one aspect of an emotionally intelligent couple. Discover powerful habits that emotionally intelligent couples possess to deepen their connection and nurture a thriving relationship.
4. Increased empathy and compassion in the marital relationship
A significant benefit of active listening is that it promotes empathy and compassion in the marital relationship. Understanding your partner’s perspective helps you empathize with them and feel compassion for their struggles.
Actively listening to your spouse also helps them feel more appreciated and valued. This leads to a greater appreciation for one another and an improved marital relationship.
5. Stronger foundation of trust and intimacy in the marriage
Active listening fosters an atmosphere of trust and intimacy in the marriage. Being receptive to your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and ideas builds trust between the two of you.
When you can be open and honest with each other and don’t feel judged or criticized, it creates a strong foundation of trust. Because of this, you’ll be able to have more meaningful conversations and form a deeper connection with each other. 10
Active listening offers many benefits to a marriage and can be the key to creating a strong, happy relationship. By taking the time to really listen to your partner and respond thoughtfully, you can enhance your communication skills and make your marriage stronger.
Overcoming challenges to active listening
Marriage isn’t without its challenges, and even the most committed couples can struggle to practice active listening. Here are some common obstacles you may encounter and how to address them:
1. Distractions and busyness
One of the biggest challenges to active listening is our distracted, busy lives. Between work, family commitments, and other obligations, finding the time to give your partner your undivided attention can be challenging.
If this is an issue for you, try scheduling weekly check-ins with your partner so you can talk without distractions. Making time for each other is integral to strengthening any marriage, even when life gets hectic.
2. Preconceived notions and assumptions
It’s easy to make assumptions about your partner’s thoughts or feelings. But if you’re making assumptions, then you’re not really listening to what they’re saying.
It’s important to be open-minded and understand your partner’s point of view, even if it differs from yours. This will help you stay focused on your partner and be more receptive to their thoughts and feelings.
3. Defensive or reactive listening habits
Do you get defensive when your partner expresses an opinion different from yours? Do you make snap judgments without really thinking about it?
Are you witnessing these non-verbal signs in your marriage? Explore the silent indicators of an unhappy relationship and find ways to improve communication and emotional connection.
This type of reactive listening can create tension and make it difficult to listen to your partner. Instead, practice active listening by pausing to breathe before responding. This will help you stay in control of the conversation and keep it productive. 11
4. Not enough positive feedback
Active listening is about being receptive to your partner’s thoughts and feelings and giving them positive feedback. Positive feedback can result in positive emotions and make your partner more satisfied with your marriage. 12
Take the time to reflect on what your partner is saying and provide positive feedback such as “I appreciate what you’re saying” or “That’s an interesting point of view.” This will help create a healthier, more positive atmosphere for your marriage.
Mastering active listening is a vital part of any healthy marriage. By listening to your partner and responding thoughtfully, you can deepen your understanding of one another, create a strong foundation of trust, and strengthen your marital relationship. Learn how other effective communication strategies can strengthen bonds and foster deeper connections with your partner.
The best relationship books to help you survive and thrive
Whether single or in a relationship, it can be tough to navigate the waters of love. These books offer advice and guidance from experts and real-life couples alike, giving you the tools you need to make your relationship work. These books will surely provide some valuable insights if you are looking for a way to spice up your love life or simply learn how to better communicate with your partner.
- Love: The Psychology of Attraction: A Practical Guide to Successful Dating and a Happy Relationship
- Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age
- The Power of Four Bases for Relationships: Can You Hit a Home Run in a Relationship?
- Communication and Relationship: A Guide to Deeper Connection, Trust and Intimacy to Improve Communication and Strengthen Your Bond as a Couple
- Couple's Bucket List: 101 Fun, Engaging Dating Ideas
- ↑ Stanley, S. M., Rhoades, G. K., & Whitton, S. W. (2010). Commitment: Functions, Formation, and the Securing of Romantic Attachment. Journal of family theory & review, 2(4), 243–257.
- ↑ Agnew, C. R., & VanderDrift, L. E. (in press). Relationship maintenance and dissolution processes. In M. Mikulincer & P. R. Shaver (Eds.), APA handbook of personality and social psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
- ↑ Marcussen, K. (2005). Explaining differences in mental health between married and cohabiting individuals. Social psychology quarterly, 68(3), 239-257.
- ↑ Liu, H., & Umberson, D. J. (2008). The times they are a changin': Marital status and health differentials from 1972 to 2003. Journal of health and social behavior, 49(3), 239-253.
- ↑ Verbrugge, L. M. (1979). Marital status and health. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 267-285.
- ↑ Weger, H., Bell, G. C., Minei, E., & Robinson, M. J. (2014). The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13–31. doi.org
- ↑ Birditt, K. S., Brown, E., Orbuch, T. L., & McIlvane, J. M. (2010). Marital conflict behaviors and implications for divorce over 16 years. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(5), 1188-1204.
- ↑ Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In S. Duck, D. F. Hay, S. E. Hobfoll, W. Ickes, & B. M. Montgomery (Eds.), Handbook of personal relationships: Theory, research and interventions (pp. 367–389). Oxford, UK: Wiley.
- ↑ Reese-Weber, M., & Bartle-Haring, S. (1998). Conflict Resolution Styles in Family Subsystems and Adolescent Romantic Relationships. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 27(6), 735–752.
- ↑ Benson, L. A., McGinn, M. M., & Christensen, A. (2012). Common principles of couple therapy. Behavior Therapy, 43(1), 25-35.
- ↑ Pike, G. R., & Sillars, A. L. (1985). Reciprocity of marital communication. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2(3), 303-324.
- ↑ Carstensen, L. L., Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1995). Emotional behavior in long-term marriage. Psychology and aging, 10(1), 140–149.