8 tips on how to have the talk about marriage

You want to get married someday, but you're not sure if your partner feels the same way. You're not sure how to bring up the topic or even if you should bring it up at all. Here are 8 tips on how to have a conversation about marriage!

Relationship Expert Amy Clark September 29, 2022 • 5 minutes read
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You’ve been with your partner for a while now, and things are going great. You’re happy, you’re in love, and you can see a future together.

But there’s one thing that’s been weighing on your mind: getting married. You’re not sure if your partner feels the same way about marriage or if they even want to get married at all. You don’t want to bring up the topic and have it ruin everything, but you also can’t keep wondering forever.

The only way to find out is to have a conversation about it. Here are a few tips on how to broach the topic of marriage with your partner:

1. Ask them about their feelings about marriage

The first step is to ask your partner about their thoughts on marriage. This can be a stressful conversation, but it’s important to get an idea of where they stand. Do they see marriage as something that’s important to them? Do they want to get married someday? Or are they not sure if they want to get married at all?

Whatever their answer is, it’s important to respect their feelings. If they’re not sure about marriage, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It just means that they haven’t thought about it much, or they have different priorities. If they don’t want to get married, that’s OK too. You can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship without getting married.

2. Talk about your own feelings about marriage

Tell them why you want to get married, and what marriage means to you. Be honest and open with them about your thoughts and feelings. Marriage is a big decision, and it’s important that they know why you want to get married and what it would mean to you.

Also, explain your idea of marriage. Do you see it as a formal ceremony or a more informal commitment? Would you want to have a big wedding or a small one? Are you open to getting married in the future, or is it something you definitely want to do?

3. Listen to their concerns

After you’ve both talked about your feelings, it’s important to listen to their concerns. They might have valid reasons for not wanting to get married, or they might be worried about how marriage would change your relationship.

Try to understand where they’re coming from, and see if there’s a way to address their concerns. For example, maybe they’re worried that marriage would mean giving up their freedom or that it would be too much of a financial burden.

4. Is there a compromise?

After you’ve talked about your feelings and listened to their concerns, see if there’s a way to reach a compromise. Maybe they’re not ready to get married right now, but they’re open to the idea of getting married in the future. Or maybe they don’t want a big wedding, but they’re OK with a small ceremony.

Compromise is key in any relationship, so try to find a way to meet in the middle. Naturally, there are some things that you won’t be able to compromise on. If you want to get married and they don’t, then you’ll have to respect their wishes. But if you’re both open to the idea of marriage, then compromise is possible.

5. Don’t force them into anything

It’s important to remember that this is their decision, not yours. You can’t force them to get married if they don’t want to. The decision has to be mutual, and it should be something that both of you are happy with.

If they’re not ready to get married, don’t push them. It’s not worth ruining your healthy relationship over something that they’re not ready for. Just enjoy the time you have together.

6. Discuss your future plans

How important is marriage to you? Is it a dealbreaker when your partner doesn’t want to get married? If not, then you can just enjoy the time you have together and see where things go.

But if you do see marriage as a crucial part of your future, then it’s important to talk about your plans. Discuss what you both want for the future, and see if there’s a way to make your plans work without getting married.

7. Take your time

There’s no rush to get married. It’s a big decision, so take your time and think about what you really want. People change their minds all the time, so don’t feel like you have to make a decision right away, and also don’t expect your partner to make a decision right away.

This is a conversation that you can have many times throughout your relationship. As you both grow and change, your views on marriage might change too. So keep the lines of communication open, and keep talking about it.

8. Seek professional help

If you’re having trouble communicating with your partner about this topic, or if you’re just not sure what to do, seek professional help. A therapist can help you both talk through your feelings and concerns, and they can offer impartial advice.

If the talk about marriage is taking a toll on your relationship, professional help can be a lifesaver. So don’t be afraid to seek out a therapist or counselor who can help you both navigate this difficult conversation.

No matter what you decide, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Marriage is a big decision, and it’s important that you’re both on the same page. Talking about your feelings and concerns will help you make the best decision for your relationship. And remember - If your partner isn’t ready to get married, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

The best marriage books of all time

If you’re looking for advice on making your marriage work, you’re in luck. This list of books is packed with information and tips from the happiest couples on earth. So whether you’re struggling to keep your relationship together or want to make it even better, these books have something for you.

  1. The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying a Man, His Kids, and His Ex-Wife: Becoming A Stepmother With Humor And Grace
  2. For Married Men Only: Three Principles for Loving Your Wife
  3. Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex
  4. The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other
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Relationship Expert

Amy Clark

Amy Clark is a freelance writer who writes about relationships, marriage, and family. She has been happily married for over ten years and loves her husband and three kids. Before …

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