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There are many misbeliefs about marriage out there that can result in a failed marriage if not careful. One of the most common misbeliefs is that marriage will automatically make everything better and that all of your problems will go away.
Just because you are married does not mean that you and your spouse will never have problems or disagreements. What marriage does provide is a committed partnership in which to work through those tough times with the goal of a lasting and loving relationship.
Follow these 7 tips on how to save your marriage before it starts, and you will be well on your way to a healthy, happy, and strong marriage:
1. Know your and your partner’s love language
You probably already heard of the 5 Love Languages, but do you know what yours and your partner’s are? The 5 Love Languages are:
1. Words of affirmation
This love language is all about words. Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal praise are very important to this person. If you have this love language, you probably feel loved when your partner regularly tells you how much they appreciate and love you.
2. Quality time
Spending quality time together is very important to this person. This means giving undivided attention to your partner without distractions such as TV, work, or kids. It is important to make time for date nights and conversations. If you have this love language, you feel loved when your partner makes an effort to spend quality time with you on a regular basis.
3. Receiving gifts
If this is your love language, you feel loved when your partner gives you gifts, both big and small. It is the thought that counts with this love language. Even if your partner cannot afford expensive gifts, a simple hand-picked flower or card can mean the world to you.
4. Acts of service
This love language is all about deeds. If your partner does something to help you with your daily tasks or chores, it speaks volumes. Something as simple as making dinner, filling up your car with gas, or taking the dog for a walk can fill your love tank.
5. Physical touch
This love language is pretty self-explanatory. If physical touch is your love language, you feel loved when your partner touches you in a non-sexual way, such as holding hands, hugging, or kissing.
Knowing your and your partner’s love language is an important part of saving your marriage before it starts. It will allow you to express love in a way that is meaningful to your partner and will help you to feel loved and appreciated in return.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
One of the most important things in any relationship is communication. It is so important to be able to talk openly and honestly with each other about everything, both big and small. If you can’t communicate with your partner, you will have a very difficult time resolving problems and making your relationship (and future marriage) work.
For example, let’s say you had a bad day at work, and you come home and take it out on your partner. Instead of communicating with them about what is going on, you lash out and make them feel like they are the problem. Try to take a step back, take a deep breath, and communicate with your partner about what is going on. Tell them how you are feeling and why. If you can do this, you will find that it is much easier to work through any problems that come up.
3. Constructive arguing
All couples argue from time to time; it is inevitable. The important thing is to learn how to argue constructively. This means that you are respectful of each other and are only trying to solve the problem at hand, not score points or be right.
Getting into the habit of constructive arguing now will save you a lot of heartache down the road. When you do argue, try to follow these guidelines:
- Stick to the issue at hand and avoid bringing up past problems
- Use “I” statements such as “I feel” or, “I think” instead of accusatory “you” statements
- Avoid name-calling or getting personal
- Be willing to compromise
- Listen to what your partner is saying and try to see things from their perspective
- Take a break if things are getting too heated and come back to the discussion when you’ve both had a chance to calm down
4. Trust each other
Like in most relationships, trust and respect are essential. If you don’t trust or respect your partner, it will be very difficult to make your marriage work. In order to build trust, you need to be honest with each other and keep your promises. It is also important to give each other some space and not try to control every aspect of each other’s lives.
Trust is all about feeling safe and secure in the relationship. If you don’t feel like you can trust your partner, you should have a conversation about it. Honesty and communication are key here.
5. Be willing to compromise
Married life is all about compromise. You and your partner are two different people with different needs, wants, and opinions. In order to make your marriage work, you need to be willing to compromise on things.
This doesn’t mean that you have to give up everything that is important to you, but it does mean that you need to be flexible and be willing to let go of some things. For example, if you are a neat freak and your partner is a bit messy, you may have to meet in the middle and compromise on how clean the house is.
If you are having trouble compromising, it may be helpful to sit down and talk about what is important to each of you. Once you know what is important to your partner, it will be easier for you to let go of some things that are not as important to you.
6. Have a conversation about marriage
Before you get married, it is so important to have a conversation about what marriage means to each of you. This is a time to talk about your expectations, needs, and wants. It is also a time to discuss any concerns that you may have.
Having this conversation before you get married will help to ensure that you are on the same page and will help to prevent any problems down the road.
7. Remember, marriage doesn’t have to change your relationship
Just because you are married doesn’t mean that your relationship has to change. In fact, marriage can actually help to strengthen your relationship. The key is to keep doing the things that you have always done to make your relationship work.
This means continuing to communicate, trust each other, be honest with each other, and be willing to compromise. If you can do these things, your marriage will be a happy and healthy one.
There you have it, seven tips to help you save your marriage before it starts. By following these tips, you can give your marriage the best chance of lasting a lifetime. Remember, communication, trust, and compromise are key. So, keep these things in mind as you start your journey towards a lifetime of happiness with your spouse.
Secrets to a healthy relationship: Books every couple should read
It's no secret that a healthy relationship is key in a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. This list of books about healthy relationships will help you learn how to communicate better, resolve conflict, and deepen your connection. From classic self-help books to more modern reads, these titles will give you the tools you need to build a strong and healthy relationship.
- Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
- Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship
- Love More, Fight Less: Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: A Relationship Workbook for Couples
- Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples: Tools and Exercises to Rebuild Your Relationship
- Healthy Me, Healthy Us: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as You Are