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It doesn’t hurt to ask, the infamous maxim goes. And when it comes to your relationship, this rings especially true. It’s a natural human tendency to take the people closest to us for granted and not bother asking them certain questions, assuming we already know the answer. But doing so can lead to a disconnection from our partner.
Asking questions won’t only let you know your partner better, but it can also make you more likable to them. 1 People generally like talking about themselves, and by showing a genuine interest in your partner’s life, you’re giving them the opportunity to do just that.
While you may feel like you know everything there is to know about your partner, people change and grow over time. Imagine getting married and suddenly feeling like your spouse is a complete stranger. That’s why it’s important to keep the lines of communication open by asking questions—not just any questions, but ones that will help you get to know your partner on a deeper level, understand their motivations and values, and build a stronger connection.
We’ve compiled a list of 50 relationship questions to strengthen your connection. Asking these questions will hopefully help you become closer to your partner and improve the communication in your relationship.
9 tips on having a meaningful conversation with your partner
Conversation is a fundamental part of any relationship. We engage in conversations with others to learn what they know—their knowledge, stories, preferences, ideas, thoughts, and feelings—and to share what we know while managing others’ perceptions of us. 1
The quality of our conversations with others can greatly determine the quality of the relationships we have. 2 If we want to maintain strong, healthy relationships, then we need to learn how to have conversations that maintain and strengthen those bonds.
The following tips can help you turn a conversation with your partner into a meaningful exchange.
Tip 1: Choose the right time to talk.
You and your partner will likely have different schedules and rhythms, so it’s important to find a time that works for both of you. You might want to have a conversation when you know you won’t be interrupted or when you can dedicate your undivided attention to each other.
Set aside time each week when you can talk without distractions. This could be during a walk, while cooking dinner, or before bed. Inform your partner in advance that you’d like to have a conversation so they can be prepared and clear any schedule conflicts. They would likely appreciate you being considerate of their time as well. 3
Tip 2: Avoid multitasking.
It can be tempting to multitask when you’re having a conversation with your partner. You might be checking your phone, watching TV, or working on another project at the same time. And even though you think you can focus on them at the same time, your brain doesn’t have the structure to actually execute and do two things at once. 4 What your brain is doing is called a “task switch costs,” which means it’s taking time to switch from one task to another. 5
This can result in a reduction in performance accuracy or speed that results from shifting between tasks, 5 which means you can’t be 100 percent present for your partner when you’re doing something else at the same time. It can also make it difficult to follow the conversation and remember what was said. Your partner will also likely feel devalued and unimportant if they see that you’re not giving them your full attention.
If you want to have a meaningful conversation with your partner, put away all distractions and give them your undivided attention.
Tip 3: Be an active listener.
Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to fully engage with the person speaking, understand their message, and provide unconditional acceptance and support. 6 When you’re an active listener, you’re not just hearing what the other person is saying, but you’re also trying to understand their perspective and feelings.
You can practice active listening by making eye contact, using body language that shows you’re engaged, and echoing back what the other person has said. 7 And doing so has been shown to be essential to maintain intimacy, especially during moments of self-disclosure. 8
So the next time you’re having a conversation with your partner, try to be an active listener. It will show them that you care about them and their experiences.
Tip 4: Practice honesty.
Honesty is essential in any relationship, but it’s especially important in conversations with your partner. You should feel comfortable being open and honest with them about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Of course, there are some things that you might not want to share with your partner. But in general, it’s important to be as open and honest as you can so they can understand you better. It will also help build trust between you and your partner. 9
If you’re not used to being open and honest, it might feel scary at first. But the more you practice, the easier it will become. And your partner will likely appreciate your willingness to share with them.
Tip 5: Be mindful of how you react to the conversation.
Your reactions to your partner can significantly impact the quality of your conversations. If you’re always reacting negatively to what they say, it can make them feel like you’re not interested in what they have to say. Practicing mindfulness can help you be more aware of your reactions and choices at the moment.
When you’re mindful, you’re present in the moment and paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgment. 10 You can practice mindfulness by focusing on your breath, noticing your thoughts and feelings, and accepting them without trying to change them.
Being mindful of your reactions can help you respond in a more positive way to your partner. It can help you in becoming more accepting of their thoughts and experiences, and even increase relationship satisfaction. 11
Tip 6: Don’t be afraid to ask follow-up questions.
Asking follow-up questions is a great way to show your partner that you’re interested in what they have to say. It’s also a way to get to know them better.
When you ask follow-up questions, you’re showing that you care about the conversation, and you want to know more about what they’re thinking and feeling. 12 Asking follow-up questions can also help reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications.
So the next time you’re talking to your partner, try asking some follow-up questions. It’ll show them that you care about the conversation and you’re interested in learning more about them.
Tip 7: Show empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. 13 When you’re talking to your partner, try to show empathy for their experiences. This can help you understand them better and build a stronger connection with them.
You can show empathy by listening carefully to what they’re saying, trying to understand their perspective, and responding with caring words or actions. Especially if your partner is distressed, showing empathy can be a way to show them that you care and you’re there for them. 14
Tip 8: It’s okay to take some time to think before responding.
You don’t always have to respond right away to everything your partner says, just as they don’t have to respond right away to everything you say. It’s okay to take a few moments to think about what they’ve said before responding. This can help you respond more thoughtfully and avoid saying something that you might later regret.
Of course, there are some conversations where it’s important to respond quickly. But in general, it’s okay to take your time and think about your response before you say anything. Individuals who are more thoughtful about their decisions tend to be more dedicated in their relationships and report having more satisfying relationships. 15
Tip 9: Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
In addition to what you say, your nonverbal communication (the way you say it) can also affect your conversations with your partner. Paying attention to your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language can help you communicate more effectively with your partner.
Your tone of voice can convey a lot of emotion, even if you’re not saying anything. For example, if you’re talking to your partner in a flat or monotone voice, it might come across as disinterested or bored. On the other hand, if you’re talking to them in a high-pitched or excited voice, it might come across as needy or desperate.
When you’re talking to your partner, consider their nonverbal communication as well. It can give you some clues about how they’re feeling and what they might be thinking. Being receptive to your partner’s nonverbal cues can help you have more successful and satisfying conversations with them. 16
These are just a few tips to help you have more meaningful conversations with your partner. By being more open and honest with each other, you can build a stronger connection and more fulfilling relationship. So don’t be afraid to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your partner. It could be the best thing you ever do for your relationship.
21 questions for a new relationship
When you’re in a new relationship, getting to know your partner better is essential. Being familiar with your partner’s quirks, likes, and dislikes won’t only help you understand them better, but it can also help you avoid potential disagreements or misunderstandings in the future. Familiarity with your partner’s attitudes has also been associated with better interpersonal and physical health outcomes. 17
That’s why it’s important to ask your partner questions about themselves, their past, and their views on various topics. Doing so can help you get to know them better and build a stronger connection with them.
To help you get started, this game of 21 questions can help you get to know your partner on a deeper level. This can be a great way to open up the lines of communication with your partner and learn more about them.
The game is simple: each person takes turns asking the other person a question. The goal is to ask 21 questions in total. The questions can be about anything, from their childhood memories to their deepest fears. Here are some examples of questions you could ask.
1. Are you looking for commitment?
It’s important to know where your partner stands on commitment early on in the relationship. This can help you avoid any potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the road. Especially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it’s important to know if your partner is on the same page.
A decline in commitment can often predict a couple’s impending breakup, so it’s an important question to ask early on. 18 Even if you’re not looking for something long-term, it can still be helpful to know your partner’s views on commitment.
2. What is the most important thing in your bucket list?
This question can help you learn more about your partner’s aspirations and what they want to achieve in life. It can also give you some insight into their values and what they consider to be important.
You’ll also get to know more about their sense of adventure and what kind of experiences they want to have. This can be a great way to bond with your partner and get them excited about future experiences you can share together.
3. Do you believe in soulmates?
This question can help you learn more about your partner’s views on love and relationships. It can also give you some insight into their views on fate and destiny.
If your partner believes in soulmates, it can be a sign that they’re looking for a deep and meaningful connection with someone. On the other hand, if they don’t believe in soulmates, it doesn’t mean that they’re not looking for a deep connection. But it can give you a better idea of what they’re looking for in a relationship.
4. What are your goals?
Goal-setting is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and romantic partners often influence and encourage each other to achieve their goals. 19 By asking this question, you’ll learn more about your partner’s plans and what they want to achieve.
This question can also give you some insight into their values and what they consider to be important. If your partner’s goals align with your own, it can be a great way to bond and get on the same page about your future together.
5. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
This question can help you learn more about your partner’s upbringing and what their childhood was like. You’ll also get to know more about their family and what kind of values they were raised with.
Sharing memories with your partner can also influence relationship quality and satisfaction, so it’s a great question to ask. 20 There’s no wrong answer to this question, so it’s a great way to get started on learning more about your partner.
6. Do you have any secret talents?
We all have talents and abilities that we may not show to the world, and this is a fun question to ask to get to know your partner better. You never know what they may be hiding!
This question can also help you learn more about your partner’s interests and what they’re passionate about. It’s a great way to bond with your partner and get them to open up about themselves.
7. Do you have any fears or phobias?
This question can help you learn more about your partner’s inner thoughts and feelings. Of course, only ask this if your partner is comfortable with self-disclosure and sharing their fears with you.
If they are comfortable, it can be a great way to get to know your partner on a deeper level and promote intimacy in the relationship. 21 It can also help you understand your partner’s triggers and how to best support them when they’re feeling fear or anxiety.
8. Where is one place you’ve always wanted to visit but haven’t?
Learning about your partner’s travel dreams can give you a better idea of the kind of experiences they want to have. It can also be a great way to bond with your partner and get them excited about future experiences you can share.
This question can also help you plan future trips and experiences together. If your partner has a place they’ve always wanted to visit, maybe you can make it happen!
9. Do you have any pets?
Another fun question to ask to get to know your partner better. If they do have pets, you’ll learn more about their responsibility and caretaking skills. You’ll also get to know more about the type of animals they like and whether they’re a cat person or a dog person.
If your partner doesn’t have any pets, you’ll learn more about why they don’t have any and what their thoughts are on pets. This question can also give you a better idea of your partner’s living situation or health and whether they’re able to have pets.
10. Do you prefer spending time indoors or outdoors?
This question can help you learn more about your partner’s preferred activities and how they like to spend their time. It can also give you a better idea of the kind of experiences they enjoy and whether you have similar interests.
Couples who spend time together often report greater happiness, 22 so this is a good question to gauge how you’ll likely spend time together. If you prefer spending time indoors and your partner prefers spending time outdoors, you may need to find a compromise that works for both of you.
11. Do you like to be alone or do you feel antsy when you’re by yourself?
This question can help you understand your partner’s need for alone time and how they feel when they’re alone. It can also give you a better idea of the kind of activities they enjoy and whether they prefer to do them alone or with others.
If your partner feels antsy when they’re by themselves, you may need to find ways to help them feel more comfortable in their own company. This can be a great way to bond with your partner and help them feel more comfortable in their skin.
12. What are your hobbies?
Engaging in leisure activities is known to have a positive impact on health and well-being, 23 and enjoying hobbies with your partner can increase relationship satisfaction. 24 So this is a great question to ask to get to know your partner better and find out more about their interests.
You may also be able to find common interests and bond over your shared hobbies. If you don’t have any shared hobbies, this can be a great opportunity to learn more about your partner’s interests and find out if there are any activities you’d like to try together.
13. What are your thoughts on having kids?
This is a big question to ask, but it can give you a better idea of your partner’s thoughts on family and whether they want to have kids in the future. It can also help you gauge their level of commitment to the relationship and whether they see a future with you.
If you’re not on the same page about having kids, it’s important to have a discussion about it. This can help you understand each other’s perspectives and find a compromise that works for you.
14. What are you most grateful for in life?
This question can help you understand what’s important to your partner and what they value most in life. It can also give you a better idea of their outlook on life and how they view the world.
If your partner is grateful for the simple things in life, it can be a good indication that they’re happy with what they have. This can be a great quality to have in a partner, and it can also help you feel more connected to them.
15. What are your thoughts on religion?
Religious compatibility is vital for many couples, 25 and this question can help you gauge your partner’s thoughts on religion. It can also give you a better idea of their spiritual beliefs and whether they see religion as an important part of their life.
If you’re not compatible with your partner’s religious beliefs, it’s important to have a discussion about it. This can help you understand each other’s perspectives and find a compromise that works for both of you.
16. What is your favorite thing about yourself?
This is a fun question to ask to get to know your partner better. It can also help you understand their level of self-esteem and how they view themselves.
If your partner has a healthy sense of self-esteem, it can be a good indication that they’re confident and happy with who they are. This can be a great quality to have in a partner, as individuals with healthy self-esteem are more likely to express their affection openly and be more secure in their relationships. 26
17. What is your biggest guilty pleasure?
Let’s be honest, we all have guilty pleasures, and this question can help you understand your partner’s more hidden side. It can also give you a better idea of the things they enjoy but may be embarrassed to admit.
If your partner is comfortable enough to share their guilty pleasure with you, it can be a sign of trust and intimacy. This can be a great way to bond with your partner and help them feel more comfortable around you.
18. What are your thoughts on marriage?
This is an important question to ask, especially if you’re considering getting married yourself. It can help you gauge your partner’s thoughts on marriage and whether they see it as a possibility for the future.
Commitment and a willingness to marry can be important qualities to have in a partner if you’re looking to get married, 27 so don’t be afraid to ask this question.
19. What do you usually do on your days off?
Unwinding and relaxing is essential, but so are having shared interests. This question can help you understand what your partner likes to do in their free time and whether they have any hobbies or interests that you share.
If you don’t share any interests, it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. However, it can be helpful to have some things in common with your partner so you can enjoy spending time together.
20. What does an ideal, healthy relationship look like, in your opinion?
The definition of a healthy relationship can vary from person to person, and healthy relationships can significantly impact our overall well-being, 28 so it’s important to understand your partner’s perspective. This question can help you understand your partner’s thoughts on what constitutes a healthy relationship and how they view their relationships.
Typically, healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. 29 If your partner values these things in a relationship, it can be a good sign that they’re looking for a healthy, long-term relationship.
21. How do you give and want to receive love?
Love language is a popular concept that refers to the way we express and receive love. 30 There are five love languages, and everyone has a different combination of them.
This question can help you understand your partner’s love language and how they like to express and receive love. This can be a helpful way to know how to give affection to your partner in a way that they’ll appreciate and understand.
Asking your partner these questions can help you get to know them better and strengthen your connection. These questions can also help you understand their thoughts on relationships and what they’re looking for in a partner. Knowing what their wants and needs and communicating openly are key to a healthy, long-term relationship.
36 questions that lead to love
Do you believe you can fall in love with someone by asking them only 36 questions? Some social psychologists do. In a 2015 New York Times article that went viral, 31 Mandy Len Catron recounted how she tried out this social experiment for herself with a friend, and it apparently worked for her.
The article cites a 1997 study by psychologist Arthur Aron, 32 who found that strangers who asked each other intimate questions were more likely to feel a deep connection with each other. While this study does not mention anything about falling love, the idea was that mutual vulnerability could lead to closeness. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone (even with a stranger), it can create a sense of intimacy.
The questions are listed below if you’re interested in trying out this experiment for yourself. But beware, these questions are not for the faint of heart. They’re meant to be personal and probing, so don’t be afraid to ask them of your partner (or a friend).
The questions are divided into three sets, and each set can last 15 minutes. 31 However, don’t restrict yourself to only 15 minutes per set. If you get lost in conversation, feel free to keep talking.
Set I of the 36 questions that lead to love
In the first set of questions, you’ll notice that there will be hypothetical scenarios and questions that will reveal your and your partner’s inner thoughts and feelings. This is to get both of you comfortable and talking about things that you may not normally talk about. You will also be asked to relate to your partner in some way, which can make you feel closer to them.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II of the 36 questions that lead to love
Moving on to the second set, you’ll notice that the questions start to get a bit more personal. This set is designed to help you understand your partner’s thoughts and feelings on love and relationships.
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III of the 36 questions that lead to love
By the third set of questions, you will have a pretty good idea of what your partner is looking for in a relationship and what their thoughts are on love. These questions can help you get to know them on a deeper level and create a stronger connection.
- Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
- Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
- If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
- Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
- Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
- Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Now that you’ve asked the questions, it’s time to listen to your partner’s answers. Pay attention to their body language and the tone of their voice. This can be just as important as the words they’re saying. Don’t forget to truthfully answer the questions yourself as well. This is a two-way conversation, after all. If you’re not honest with your partner (or yourself), the experiment won’t work.
And because this is a social experiment, it’s important to understand that the results will likely vary from person to person and how effective it is can be difficult to measure. Incidentally, a study that used this questionnaire to initiate social interaction among individuals with Schizophrenia found that positive emotion was a common result of the social interaction in both the control and experiment groups. 33
So, while you may not end up falling in love with your partner (or they may not fall in love with you), you may end up feeling closer to them after asking (and answering) these questions.
Things to talk about with your girlfriend
Having conversations with your partner is a key part of any relationship. It’s how you get to know each other and learn about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And talking to your partner can also help you connect with them on a deeper level.
But sometimes it’s not always easy to approach your partner and start a conversation. Maybe you’re feeling shy or nervous, or maybe you’re not sure what to say.
Are you looking for a fun way to get to know your girlfriend better? Here are some interesting and fun questions that will help you in getting closer.
7 Tips on how to talk with your girlfriend
There’s no one right way to have a conversation with your partner. But there are some things you can do to make it easier and more enjoyable for both of you.
Here are a few tips on how to start a conversation with your girlfriend.
1. Ask open-ended questions
One way to get your girlfriend talking is to ask her open-ended questions. These are questions that can’t be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Instead, open-ended questions require your girlfriend to explain her thoughts and feelings. This can help you learn more about her since open-ended responses tend to be relatively detailed and insightful than close-ended responses. 34
Some examples of open-ended questions include: How are you feeling today? What’s been on your mind lately? What are some of your favorite things to do?
2. Listen more than you talk
Another way to encourage conversation is to listen more than you talk. This can be difficult, especially if you’re eager to share your own experiences and thoughts. But it’s important to allow your girlfriend to speak without interruption.
Not only will this help her feel heard and valued, but it will also give you a better understanding of who she is and what’s important to her. Conversely, you might also find yourself enjoying the conversation more when you’re not the one doing all the talking. 35
3. Be genuine and authentic
When talking to your girlfriend, it’s important to be genuine and authentic. This means being yourself and not putting on a front. It might be tempting to act like someone you think she wants you to be, but this can ultimately backfire.
If your girlfriend feels like she doesn’t know the real you, it can make it difficult for her to trust and connect with you. So instead of trying to be someone you’re not, just be yourself. Authentic self-expression can also foster caregiving and romantic attachment attitudes in your relationship, because you genuinely care about each other. 36
4. Show interest in what she has to say
One of the best ways to get your girlfriend talking is to simply show interest in what she has to say. This can be as simple as making eye contact, nodding your head, and asking follow-up questions.
You can also let her know that you’re interested in what she’s saying by making statements like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can’t believe that happened to you.” These statements show that you’re not only listening to her, but that you also care about her and are invested in the conversation.
5. Avoid conversational roadblocks
There are a few things you should avoid if you want to keep the conversation flowing. One of these is talking about yourself too much. It’s great to share your own experiences and thoughts, but make sure you’re also giving your girlfriend a chance to talk about herself.
Another thing to avoid is bringing up sensitive topics without warning. If there’s something you know she doesn’t like to talk about, it’s best to bring it up gradually and gently. For example, you could say something like, “I’m not sure if you’re comfortable talking about this, but I wanted to ask how you’re doing.”
6. Be constructive
If you need to say provide some feedback, it’s important to do so in a constructive way. This means avoiding statements that are accusatory, judgmental, or inflammatory. Constructive communication is about finding a way to share your thoughts and feelings in a way that’s respectful and considerate of your girlfriend and it has been found to protect and enrich relationships through better conflict resolution. 37
For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “I feel like I’m not being heard.” This statement is less likely to put your girlfriend on the defensive and more likely to encourage her to listen to what you have to say.
7. Encourage positive self-talk
One way to help your girlfriend feel good about herself is to encourage her to engage in positive self-talk. This means replacing negative thoughts and beliefs with more positive ones, and it is a fantastic way of boosting one’s confidence. 38
If she’s feeling down about herself, you could say something like, “I know you’re feeling really bad right now, but I want you to know that I love you, and I think you’re amazing.” You can also say, “I can’t believe how well you handled that situation. You’re so strong!” after she’s overcome a difficult challenge. These statements can help her to feel better about herself and to see the situation in a more positive light.
10 questions to ask your girlfriend
When you’re ready to sit down and have a conversation with your girlfriend, it’s important to be prepared. You don’t want the conversation to devolve into an argument, so it’s a good idea to have some questions in mind that will help you get to the bottom of whatever issue is causing problems in your relationship.
If you’re not sure where to start, here are some questions to ask your girlfriend that can help strengthen your connection.
1. How do you feel things are going between us?
This is a nice, open-ended question that will give your girlfriend a chance to share her thoughts and feelings about the relationship. It’s important to listen carefully to what she has to say and to try to see things from her perspective.
You’ll also want to avoid getting defensive if she has any criticisms. It’s important to remember that her goal is not to hurt you, but to improve the relationship.
2. Do you feel like you’re able to be yourself around me?
When you’re dating someone, it can be difficult to be yourself as you’ll always want to be perceived positively by your partner. And while this is relatively normal for new couples, as time goes by, it’s important that both partners feel like they can be their authentic selves around each other. 37
If your girlfriend doesn’t feel like she can be herself around you, even if you’ve been dating for a while, it’s something you’ll want to work on. Try to create an environment where she feels comfortable sharing her thoughts and feelings with you, without fear of judgment.
3. What do you think is the biggest problem in our relationship?
Another great question to ask your girlfriend is what she sees as the biggest problem in the relationship. This can help you to get a better understanding of where she’s coming from and what her biggest concerns are.
It’s important to try to see things from her perspective and to avoid getting defensive. Remember, the goal is to improve the relationship, not to argue.
4. What kind of support do you need from me right now?
Social support is incredibly important for our mental and emotional well-being, and it’s something we all need from our partners at times. If your girlfriend is going through a tough time, she may need your support more than ever. 38
This question can help you to understand what she needs from you, whether it’s just a shoulder to cry on or help with a more practical problem. It’s important to try to be there for her in whatever way she needs.
5. Is there anything you don’t feel comfortable talking to me about?
Even if you think you know your girlfriend well, there may be some things she’s not comfortable talking to you about. This could be for any number of reasons, such as feeling like she’s not being heard or feeling like she’s being judged.
If she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you about certain things, it’s important to try to understand why. It may be something you need to work on, such as being more understanding or open-minded.
6. What are your thoughts on [issue]?
Couples often have different opinions on various issues, and it’s important to be respectful of each other’s views. If you and your girlfriend disagree on something, it’s a good idea to have a discussion about it.
This question can help to start a productive conversation about a difficult issue. Engaging in a discussion of the topic that doesn’t aim to change your perspectives on something, but rather to understand where the other is coming from can help you to see things from a different perspective and to find common ground. 39
7. How do you think we can work together to solve this problem?
It takes two to tango, and that’s especially true when it comes to solving problems in a relationship. Cooperation, whether direct or indirect, is key in solving problems in romantic relationships, especially if there is a need for change. 40
If you and your girlfriend are having difficulty solving a problem, this question can help to start a productive conversation. It’s important to remember that you’re on the same team and to try to work together toward a solution.
8. What would you like me to do differently?
As humans, we constantly grow and change, and that entails having room to improve in all areas of our lives, including our relationships. If your girlfriend feels like there’s something you could do differently, this is a perfect opportunity to learn and grow as a person.
The answer to this question can be difficult to hear, but it’s important to try to be open-minded. If she has a valid point, it’s worth considering changing your behavior. After all, relationships are a two-way street.
9. What can I do to make you feel more loved?
Everyone experiences and feels love differently, so it’s important to ask your girlfriend how she likes to be loved. This question can help you to understand her needs and to make sure you’re meeting them.
Maybe you can take this time to learn what her love language is and make an effort to show her love in that way. Or, if you already know it, you can intensify those efforts and make her feel even more loved and appreciated. 41
10. What can I do to help you feel better?
If your girlfriend is going through a tough time, she may need your support more than ever. Having someone to lean on can make all the difference in the world.
This question also shows that you care about her and want to help her through whatever she’s going through. It’s a caring and considerate question that can make a real difference in her life.
No matter what the answer is, it’s important to be there for her and to offer your support. Sometimes, just being there for someone is enough.
These are just a few questions that can help to strengthen your relationship. The most important thing is to be genuine, authentic, and honest with each other. Good communication is the key to a happy and healthy relationship. 37
If you and your girlfriend are having difficulty communicating, it may be a good idea to seek out couples therapy. A therapist can help you to learn communication techniques that can improve your relationship. 42
Things to talk about with your boyfriend
A healthy relationship often rests on a foundation of good communication. If you can communicate well with your partner, you’re more likely to be able to resolve conflicts and build a stronger bond. Even in long-term marriages, good communication is key to maintaining a happy and satisfying relationship. 43
However, if you’re not a natural communicator, it can be difficult to know how to start a conversation with your boyfriend. Maybe you’re tongue-tied, or maybe you’re just not sure what to talk about.
Are you interested in learning more about someone special in your life? Here’s a list of great questions to help you get to know him better! If you want even more to choose from, check out our full article on questions to ask your boyfriend.
Here are a few tips to help you get started.
7 tips on how to talk with your boyfriend
While every relationship is different, there are some things you can always do to make talking to your partner more enjoyable and productive. Of course, you’ll also want to avoid certain conversation pitfalls that can lead to arguments or hurt feelings.
Here are seven tips on how to talk to your boyfriend.
1. Talk about your day
This is a great way to catch up with each other and bond over shared experiences. Begin by telling him about your day, and then ask him about his.
Even something as simple as talking about your day can help you to feel closer to each other and improve relationship satisfaction. 44 So, don’t be afraid to start small.
2. Let him know what’s on your mind
If you’re feeling stressed, worried, or happy about something, tell him. It can be helpful to talk through whatever is on your mind, and he may be able to offer support or advice.
You can also take this time to share your thoughts and feelings about your relationship. If you’re feeling disconnected, let him know. If you’re happy with the way things are going, tell him that, too. Being open in a romantic relationship is key to maintaining a better connection with your partner. 45
3. Ask him about his hobbies and interests
Another great way to get to know your boyfriend better is to ask him about his hobbies and interests. This can help you to learn more about him and what he enjoys doing in his free time.
It can also be a fun way to bond over shared interests. Maybe you both like hiking, or maybe you’re both interested in photography. Whatever it is, talking about hobbies and interests can help you to feel closer to each other.
4. Don’t assume you know everything about him
Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean you know everything there is to know about him. Remember to ask him questions and really listen to his answers. This will show him that you’re interested in him and that you care about learning more about him.
Don’t get discouraged if you don’t feel like you don’t know him that well. This is a perfect opportunity to get to know him better. So, take the time to ask him questions and really listen to his answers. You may be surprised at how much you learn.
5. Pick up on his cues
As you’re talking, pay attention to his body language and the way he’s responding to you. This can give you clues about whether he’s enjoying the conversation or whether he’s ready to move on. Individuals in romantic relationships are often better at reading their nonverbal cues from their partner than they are at reading strangers. 46
If you’re not sure how he’s feeling, you can always ask him. He may appreciate the fact that you’re trying to gauge his reaction and make sure he’s comfortable.
6. Focus on using I-language instead of you-language
In any conversation, it’s essential to be aware of the way you’re speaking. When you use I-language, you’re taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings, and attempting to communicate your perspective or position about something. 47 For example, it might be better to say, “I felt hurt when you didn’t call me last night,” instead of, “You hurt me when you didn’t call me last night.”
Using I-language can help to avoid arguments and miscommunications in a relationship. It has also been linked with better problem-solving and higher marital satisfaction. 48 Similarly, the use of you-language (“You need to stop being so lazy” or “You need to change”) is often associated with negative interactions in relationships and poorer communication. 49
If you’re not used to using I-language, it may take some practice. But, it’s worth making an effort to use I-language in your relationships because it shows how you’re acknowledging the fact that you’re communicating from your point of view and that you’re open to hearing your partner’s perspective, too. 50
7. Respect his need for space
Everyone needs some time to themselves, and this is true in all types of relationships. Lack of personal time and space is often cited as one of the major difficulties individuals face when maintaining their intimate relationships, 51 so it’s important to respect your partner’s need for space.
If your partner requests some time to himself, respect his wishes and give him the space he needs. Don’t take it personally if he wants to spend some time alone. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you, it just means he needs some time to himself.
10 questions to ask your boyfriend
Once you’ve started using some of these tips to improve communication in your relationship, you may be wondering what specific things you can do to get to know your partner better. Of course, this will vary depending on the person, but there are some general questions you can ask to get the conversation started.
If you’re not sure where to begin, here are some questions to ask your boyfriend.
1. How can I support your interests?
Showing support to your partner is a key component of a healthy relationship. If you’re not sure how to do this, simply asking your partner how you can offer them support can be a good place to start.
Supportive romantic relationships can protect individuals against the negative effects of stress, 52 so whether your partner likes to go for a run to relieve stress or just needs someone to talk to about their day, offering your support can be beneficial for both of you.
2. How do you feel when I _____?
Whether it’s something you’re doing that’s affecting your partner positively or negatively, it can be helpful to ask them how your actions make them feel. This can help you to become more aware of your impact on your partner and make sure you’re doing things that make them feel good.
Even though you may not like hearing criticism, it can be important to listen to what your partner has to say. After all, they’re the only one who knows how they feel, so their perspective is valuable.
3. What do you like and dislike about our relationship?
It can be helpful to periodically check in with your partner about how they’re feeling about the relationship. This question leaves room for both positive and negative feedback, so you can learn about things you’re doing well and areas where you can improve.
Of course, it’s important to listen to your partner’s feedback and not get defensive. Remember, the goal is to improve your relationship, so try to be open to what they have to say.
4. What do you want us to achieve together?
Self-improvement is a lifelong process, so it’s important to set goals for your relationship and yourselves as individuals. Those who set personal goals and reach them tend to be happier in life, especially if they’re supported by their partner. 53
Asking your partner what they want to achieve together can help you to set shared goals and get on the same page about what you want for your relationship. It can also be a valuable way to learn more about your partner’s individual goals and how you can help them to achieve them.
5. What are your thoughts on [issue]?
Individuals who openly engage in discussing difficult topics can enhance a sense of understanding and control of their environment, 54 so asking your partner about their thoughts on difficult topics can be a good way to get to know them better. Keeping the lines of communication open can also help you to resolve disagreements more effectively.
Of course, it’s important to respect your partner’s views, even if you don’t agree with them. If you can’t do this, it may be difficult to have a productive conversation and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
6. Do you have any concerns about our relationship?
It’s normal to have concerns about your relationship from time to time, and talking about them with your partner can be a helpful way to address them. This question can also help you to identify any potential problems early on so that you can address them before they become too big to handle.
In any of our interpersonal relationships, cooperative problem-solving paired with optimism to find solutions is always the best strategy. It can also increase relationship satisfaction. 55 So if you and your partner can approach any concerns you have with a cooperative attitude, you’re more likely to find a resolution that works for both of you.
7. What do you need from me?
We all have different needs, and it’s important to understand what your partner needs from you in order to feel loved and supported. This question can help you to learn about your partner’s emotional needs and make sure you’re expressing your love in a way that they can understand.
Of course, it’s important to make sure you’re meeting your own needs as well. If you’re not taking care of yourself, it will be difficult to take care of your partner. 56 So make sure you’re taking the time to do things that make you happy and fulfilled.
8. What makes you feel loved?
We all have different love languages, which are the ways in which we express and receive love. 41 So what makes one person feel loved may not have the same effect on another. It’s important to ask your partner what makes them feel loved so that you can make sure you’re expressing your love in a way that they can understand and appreciate.
Some people feel loved when they receive acts of service, while others may feel loved when they receive words of affirmation. Others may feel loved when they receive gifts, or when they have quality time with their partner. There are many different love languages, so it’s important to ask your partner what theirs is so that you can make sure you’re speaking their language.
By understanding your partner’s love language, you can make sure that you’re expressing your love in a way that they can understand and appreciate. This can help to strengthen your relationship and make your partner feel loved and supported.
9. How can I help you when you’re feeling down?
We all have bad days, and it’s important to know that you have someone who is there for you when you’re feeling down. Asking your partner how you can help them when they’re feeling down is a good way to show that you care about their well-being and want to be there for them.
Of course, it’s important to make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a step back and focus on taking care of yourself. But if you’re able to, offer your support to your partner when they need it.
10. What are your hopes and fears for our relationship?
Talking about your hopes and fears for the relationship can help you to connect with your partner on a deeper level. It can also help you to identify any potential problems early on so that you can address them before they become too big to handle.
If you’re able to openly share your hopes and fears with your partner, it can help to build trust and strengthen your relationship. So don’t be afraid to open up and share what’s on your mind.
Asking these questions can help you bond with your partner and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. So don’t be afraid to set some time for a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. You may be surprised at how much you learn about each other and yourselves, and these conversations may just be the key to strengthening your relationship and deepening your connection.
Secrets to a healthy relationship: Books every couple should read
It's no secret that a healthy relationship is key in a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. This list of books about healthy relationships will help you learn how to communicate better, resolve conflict, and deepen your connection. From classic self-help books to more modern reads, these titles will give you the tools you need to build a strong and healthy relationship.
- Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
- Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship
- Love More, Fight Less: Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: A Relationship Workbook for Couples
- Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples: Tools and Exercises to Rebuild Your Relationship
- Healthy Me, Healthy Us: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as You Are
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Lavner, J. A., Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2016). Does Couples’ Communication Predict Marital Satisfaction, or Does Marital Satisfaction Predict Communication?. Journal of marriage and the family, 78(3), 680–694. doi.org ↩︎
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