Relationship

Message to a cheating boyfriend: Tips and examples

It's never easy to find out that your boyfriend has been cheating on you. You might feel heartbroken, angry, and betrayed. If you want to confront your boyfriend about his infidelity by writing him a letter, but don't know what to say, here are some tips and examples.

Janet Smith & Amy Clark October 3, 2022 • 7 minutes read
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Did your partner break your heart? You’re not alone. If you’re considering writing a letter to your cheating boyfriend, it’s likely because you’re feeling hurt and betrayed.

You might feel like you need to confront him and demand answers, or you might just want to express your pain. Regardless of what your reasons are, writing a letter or message can be therapeutic. It can help you to express your feelings and work through your emotions.

Before you start writing, there are a few things you should keep in mind.

Tips for writing a message to your cheating boyfriend

Let’s take a look at some tips that will help you to write a message to your cheating boyfriend.

1. Keep it short and to the point.

You don’t need to write a novel. Just express what you’re feeling in a few short paragraphs. Not only will this make it easier for you to write, but it will also make it easier for your boyfriend to read and digest what you’re saying.

And, if you’re feeling angry, it’s best to avoid writing a long, rambling letter. You might just end up saying things you’ll later regret or forget what you wanted to say in the first place.

2. Be honest about how you’re feeling

Whether you’re feeling heartbroken, angry, or hurt, it’s important, to be honest about your emotions. This is your letter, and you have a right to express how you’re feeling.

It’s okay to be upset, and it’s okay to be vulnerable. Share your raw emotions with your boyfriend and let him know how his infidelity has affected you.

3. Think about what you want to achieve by writing the letter

Are you looking for answers? Closure? An apology? Keep your goal in mind as you write. This is important because it will help you to stay focused and on track.

For example, if you’re looking for answers, make sure to ask specific questions. And, if you’re looking for an apology, be sure to let your boyfriend know that’s what you want.

If you’re not sure what you want to achieve, that’s okay too. Sometimes just getting your feelings out there can be enough.

4. Use “I” statements

When you’re writing about your feelings, use “I” statements. For example, “I felt betrayed when I found out you were cheating on me.” This will help to make the letter more about your experience and how you feel, rather than attacking your boyfriend.

It’s tempting to use “you” statements when you’re feeling hurt and angry. But, this will only make the letter more confrontational and is likely to put your boyfriend on the defensive.

5. Don’t try to rationalize your boyfriend’s cheating

This is the most important tip. It’s easy to start making excuses for your boyfriend’s behavior. But, the truth is, there’s no justification for cheating. No matter what the reason, it’s always wrong.

So, don’t try to rationalize his behavior or make excuses for him. Just state the facts and how you feel about them.

Examples of what to write in a message to your cheating boyfriend

Now that we’ve covered some tips for writing your letter let’s take a look at some examples of what you could say.

Message No. 1

I found out that you were cheating on me, and I'm feeling hurt and betrayed.
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I trusted you, and you broke that trust. I don't understand why you did it, and I need some answers. This has really shaken my faith in our relationship.
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I'm not sure if I can forgive you or forget what you did. But, I need some time to figure things out.
Copy

In this message, the writer is being honest about how they’re feeling. They’re also expressing what they need from their boyfriend - answers and time. This is a good example of a short, concise letter that gets to the point.

Message No. 2

When I found out you were cheating on me, I felt like my world was crumbling.
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I trusted you, and you betrayed that trust. I ask myself over and over again, why? Why would you do this to me? I thought we were happy. I need some time to process everything that's happened.
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In the meantime, I think it would be best if we took a break from seeing each other. I need some time to figure out how I feel and what I want. I hope you can respect that.
Copy

This message is a bit longer, but it’s still honest and to the point. The writer expresses how hurt and betrayed they feel. They also mention that they need some time apart to figure things out. This is a good example of a letter that sets boundaries.

Message No. 3

I'm not sure what I want to say to you. I'm still trying to process everything that's happened. But I do know that I'm hurt, and I'm angry.
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I trusted you. You lied to me, and you cheated on me. I don't understand why you did it. I don't want to hear any excuses.
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I just need some time to figure out how I feel and what I want. I hope you can respect that.
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This message is shorter than the others, but it’s still effective. The writer is honest about their feelings of hurt and anger. They also make it clear that they need some time to figure things out.

Message No. 4

I thought I could forgive you. I really did. But I can't.
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I thought I could forget what you did, but I can't. Every time I see you, all I can think about is how you betrayed me.
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You hurt me in a way that I didn't think was possible. I trusted you, and you broke that trust. I can't forgive you for that. I'm sorry.
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This message is short and to the point. The writer expresses their feelings of hurt and betrayal. They also make it clear that they’re not able to forgive their boyfriend for what he did and that they’re breaking up with him.

Message No. 5

I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you did.
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But I'm willing to try. I need some time to work through my feelings.
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Maybe you can also use this time to figure out why you did what you did. I hope you're also willing to work on our relationship and try to rebuild the trust that's been broken.
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I'm not sure where things will go from here, but I'm open to giving it a try.
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In this message, the writer expresses their willingness to forgive their boyfriend and work on the relationship. They also mention that they need some time to figure out their own feelings and why their boyfriend cheated on them. This is a good example of a letter that expresses hope for the future.

When you’re faced with the difficult task of writing a message to your cheating boyfriend, it’s important to be honest about your feelings, express what you need from him, and set boundaries as needed. It’s also important to be concise - try to get your point across in as few words as possible.


The betrayed spouse’s books to recover from cheating

Infidelity is a complex and painful issue that can tear families and relationships apart. If you’re looking for guidance on dealing with cheating or trying to understand why it happened in your relationship, these books can offer insight and support.

  1. After the Affair, Third Edition: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
  2. Make Up, Don't Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
  3. Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to The Victim
  4. Intimacy After Infidelity for Couples Struggling to Survive an Affair: 9 Practical Steps to Let go of Anger, Insecurity, Judgement, and Punishment & ... Emotionally
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Dating Expert

Janet Smith

Janet Smith is a freelance writer who writes about psychology, relationships, and dating. She has always been interested in understanding the human brain and how it affects our …

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Relationship Expert

Amy Clark

Amy Clark is a freelance writer who writes about relationships, marriage, and family. She has been happily married for over ten years and loves her husband and three kids. Before …

Read full bio

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