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Is your girlfriend one of the party girls who love the dance floor more than their couch? For some people, that might sound like a dream come true. Socializing and meeting new people during a party can be a lot of fun. And socializing, in general, offers a plethora of benefits, including improved cognitive functioning and reduced stress. 1 2
But if you’re not a big party person yourself, or if she’s exhibiting abusive behavior with alcohol or drugs, this could become a major red flag in your relationship.
So, what do you do if your girlfriend is a party girl and you’re not?
Is your relationship on the rocks lately? Here’s some helpful relationship advice that can hopefully help get things back on track.
1. Figure out your own emotions
Before you say or do anything, it’s important to figure out why this bothers you. How does it make you feel? Do you feel like she’s neglecting you? Does it make you feel like she doesn’t care about your needs?
Maybe it doesn’t even have to do with her going to parties all the time. Maybe it is just you that doesn’t want to go out and be around a bunch of people because of anxiety issues or insecurity issues.
So ask yourself the question if it bothers you that she goes out a lot or if it bothers you that you have to go with her. Being aware of your own emotions is the first step in communicating with your partner about this issue. In fact, a large body of scientific evidence supports the idea that regulating your emotions and accepting them are linked with lower levels of negative affectivity, especially to less anxiety and depression. 3
If it bothers you that she goes out a lot, then you need to explain to her how you feel and why it bothers you. If it bothers you that YOU have to go with her, then you need to find a way to deal with those emotions instead of taking it out on her. Working on these issues will make it easier to communicate with your partner about what you’re feeling.
2. Communicate with your girlfriend
Once you have a good understanding of your own emotions, it’s time to communicate with your girlfriend. Talk to her about how you feel and explain that you would like to spend more time together without going to parties and/or that you don’t feel as comfortable as her being at parties.
This conversation might be difficult, but it’s important that you two talk about this issue. If she really loves you, she’ll want to make an effort to accommodate your needs. Be honest and open with her. Let her know that you value your relationship and would like to make it work. If you two can’t see eye to eye on this issue, it might be helpful to consult a couples’ counselor to help you communicate better. Couple therapy has been particularly helpful in improving relationships of people experiencing individual and relational distress, so it might be worth considering. 4
3. Agree on some compromises
Inevitably, there will be times when your girlfriend wants to go to a party, and you don’t, or when you want to stay in, and she wants to go out. That’s okay! It’s normal for there to be some disagreements in a committed relationship.
When this happens, try to agree on some compromises. Comprises are not new in relationships, in fact, among young and highly educated couples, compromise and accepting the negative aspects of a partner are the two most commonly mentioned reasons for staying together. 5 Maybe your girlfriends can go to the party and only stay for a few hours, or maybe you can agree to go to one party together every month.
The most important thing is that you both communicate and try to find a solution that works for both of you. Happy relationships are all about compromise, so try to find a way to work through this issue together.
Do you find yourself constantly battling with your partner over seemingly small things? Check out these 13 deal breakers as it might be time to call it quits.
4. Set boundaries
It’s important to know your limits and what you’re comfortable with. If going to a party every weekend is too much for you, then let your girlfriend know.
Don’t be afraid to speak up for yourself and set some boundaries. By setting boundaries, you protect yourself and your needs. 6 This will also help your girlfriend to understand your point of view and where you’re coming from. Let your girlfriend know that you don’t want to party all the time and you would rather spend some nights at home with her.
It’s also important to be firm with your boundaries. If she doesn’t listen or continues to try and drag you to parties, then it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
5. Suggest doing something together that doesn’t involve partying
One great way to compromise is to suggest doing something together that doesn’t involve partying, like going for a walk, watching a movie, or cooking dinner together.
By doing this, you’ll get to spend quality time with your girlfriend without having to go to a party. This is a great way to show her that you care about her and want to spend time with her, even if you don’t share the same interests. Spending quality time with your girlfriend, even just to talk, can improve both your relationship satisfaction, perceive more positive qualities in your relationship, and experienced greater closeness. 7
The key is to find something that you both enjoy and can do together. This way, you’ll still get to spend time with your girlfriend while also avoiding those dreaded parties.
6. Check for substance abuse
If you think that your girlfriend’s partying might be out of control and involve drugs, then you might need to consider getting her help. Drug addiction can be a grave issue and should not be taken lightly.
If you think that your girlfriend might have a drug addiction, then please reach out for help. Recreational nightlife is often related to drug use and violence, but it can be prevented through helping networks. 8 There are many resources available to you and your girlfriend. There is no shame in seeking help and admitting that you have a problem.
Getting help for drug addiction can be the best thing for both you and your girlfriend. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s definitely worth it in the end.
7. Offer support and understanding
If you find out that your girlfriend is suffering from an addiction, it’s important to offer her support and understanding. This is a difficult time for both of you, but it’s important to remember that you’re in it together.
Offering your support will show her that you care about her and want to help her through this difficult time. Individuals in recovery who receive social support from their friends and partner are more likely to use cognitive coping strategies. 9 So, offer your girlfriend the support she needs and be there for her during this difficult time.
Even if she isn’t struggling with an addiction, it’s important to show your girlfriend that you support her. Closeness to a partner or a network of friends has been found to be a protective factor against addiction among young adults in the recreational nightlife scene. 8 So, even if your girlfriend isn’t struggling with an addiction, it’s important to show her that you’re there for her.
8. Spend time by yourself
Maybe you don’t like it when your girlfriend parties because you don’t have anything to do when she’s gone. If this is the case, then it’s important to find things to do that you enjoy and make you happy.
Try to find a new hobby or activity that you can do by yourself. Perhaps you can join a club or take up a new sport. Participating in leisurely activities can improve your mental well-being and reduce your risk of depression. 10 So, even if your girlfriend is out partying, you can still find ways to enjoy your time by yourself. Being independent and finding things to do that make you happy will show your girlfriend that you don’t need her to have fun.
When it comes to a serious relationship, there are certain behaviors that can be a major turn off. Check out the 20 biggest turn offs in any serious relationship, and see if you’re guilty of any of them!
9. Trust her
When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to trust your partner. Perhaps your concerns about your girlfriend’s partying are stemming from a lack of trust. If this is the case, then you need to work on building trust in your relationship.
Without trust, relationships are built on a foundation of suspicion and insecurity. Trust is one of the most important characteristics of a romantic relationship and it’s essential for a healthy relationship. 11 If you don’t trust your girlfriend, then it’s going to be difficult to have a healthy and happy relationship.
It can be difficult to trust your partner if you’re constantly worried about their partying, but it’s important to remember that you’re in a relationship with her for a reason. Try to remember the good times you’ve had together and why you fell in love with her in the first place.
10. If all else fails, you might have to distance yourself from her
This can be a difficult thing to do, but if your girlfriend is insistent on partying all the time and it’s causing problems in your relationship, it might be your only option. Just remember to stay respectful and not become bitter or resentful. Ultimately, it’s better to have a healthy relationship than to be in a relationship where you’re constantly fighting.
If you find that distancing yourself from your girlfriend is the only way to save your relationship, then do it. There’s no shame in admitting that something isn’t working and it’s time to move on.
So, there you have it - some tips on how to deal with a girlfriend who likes to party all the time. Just remember to stay calm, communicate effectively, and be willing to compromise. If that doesn’t work, then you might have to distance yourself from her. Relationships are about to give and take, so make sure you’re both giving and taking in the right amounts!
- Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships
- Love in Every Season: Understanding the Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship
- Love More, Fight Less: Communication Skills Every Couple Needs: A Relationship Workbook for Couples
- Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples: Tools and Exercises to Rebuild Your Relationship
- Healthy Me, Healthy Us: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as You Are
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Calafat, A., Kronegger, L., Juan, M., Duch, M. A., & Kosir, M. (2011). Influence of the friends’ network in drug use and violent behaviour among young people in the nightlife recreational context. Psicothema, 23(4), 544–551. ↩︎ ↩︎
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David Hall
David Hall is a self-taught dating expert who works as a freelance writer to help people improve their love lives. He has always been interested in dating, physical attraction, and …
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