How to get your ex-boyfriend back: 12 steps that actually work

Janet Smith & David Hall November 15, 2023 • 9 minutes read

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Before we get into the nitty-gritty of what you should do to win your ex back, it’s important to first take a step back and assess the situation. Why did the relationship end? Was it due to a fundamental incompatibility, or was it something that could potentially be worked out? If it’s the latter, then there may be hope for getting back together; if it’s the former, then you’re likely wasting your time.

There are different approaches you can take when trying to get your ex back, and it largely depends on what led to the breakup in the first place. If infidelity was involved, for example, then you’ll need to take a very different tack than if the split was simply due to a disagreement over something relatively minor.

No matter what the cause of the breakup, though, there are certain universal truths that you’ll need to keep in mind if you want to have any chance of getting back together with your ex.

Step 1: Give your ex some space

No matter how much you may want to talk to them or be around them, it’s important to give your ex some space after the breakup. This is especially true in the immediate aftermath when emotions are running high, and you’re both still trying to process what has happened.

It may be tempting to try and stay in constant contact with your ex, either by texting them, calling them, or just showing up at their door unannounced. But this is likely to just push them further away, as they’ll feel smothered and suffocated by your attentions.

Limited contact is fine – you don’t need to completely cut your ex out of your life – but try not to be too clingy or needy in the early days after the breakup. If you want to have any chance of getting back together, it’s crucial that you respect your ex’s wishes in this regard and give them the space they need. This doesn’t mean cutting them out of your life entirely; rather, it means limiting your contact with them to a reasonable degree.

Step 2: Take some time for yourself

Just as it’s important to give your ex space, it’s also crucial that you take some time for yourself after the breakup. This is a chance to reassess your own life and figure out what you want and need going forward.

Think about what mistakes were made in the relationship and what you can do to avoid making them again in the future. This is also a good opportunity to work on any underlying issues that may have contributed to the breakup, such as low self-esteem or trust issues. In short, take some time for yourself after the breakup; it’s important to ensure that you’re in a good place mentally and emotionally before you try to get back into a committed relationship.

By taking time for yourself, you also avoid getting into a rebound relationship. This is where you start dating someone new before you’ve had a chance to properly process the breakup and often ends up doing more harm than good.

Step 3: Make sure you’re really ready to get back together

Before you take any steps towards getting back together with your ex, it’s essential that you’re absolutely certain that this is what you want. Once you start down the path of reconciliation, there’s no going back, so you need to be confident that this is really what you want before you take any further steps.

Think carefully about your decision; are you sure that getting back together is what’s best for both of you? Are you prepared to work through any issues that led to the breakup in the first place?

It’s also important to consider whether or not your ex is really ready to get back together as well. If they’re still harboring resentment or anger towards you, then it’s likely that any attempts at reconciliation will be unsuccessful.

Step 4: Initiate Contact

Once you’ve taken some time for yourself and you’re sure that getting back together is what you want, it’s time to initiate contact with your ex. The best way to do this is usually through a phone call or text message.

When you reach out to your ex, be respectful and considerate of their feelings. Avoid sounding needy or desperate, as this will only push them further away. Instead, focus on sounding friendly and positive.

Step 5: Don’t blurt out that you want to get back together right away

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to get back together with your ex is to blurt out that you want to get back together right away. This will only make you look like a needy person, and it’s likely to push your ex even further away.

Instead, take things slowly at first. Focus on rebuilding your friendship and reestablishing trust. Once you’ve done that, then you can start to think about taking things to the next level.

Step 6: Don’t try to make them jealous

Another fatal mistake people make when trying to get back together with their ex is to try and make them jealous by dating other people. This will only make you look bad, and it won’t do anything to help your cause.

In fact, it’s likely to make things worse, as your ex will only see you as someone who is trying to use them. If you want to date other people, then do so for the right reasons; don’t do it in an attempt to make your ex jealous.

Step 7: Suggest meeting up

Once you’ve been in contact with your ex for a while and things are going well, it’s time to suggest meeting up. This is usually best done in person, as it’ll give you a chance to properly gauge their feelings and see if they’re really ready to get back together.

When you meet up, avoid getting into a discussion about the breakup or your relationship. Instead, focus on talking about happy memories and shared interests.

Don’t talk only about relationship stuff. Instead, find things to talk about that you’re both interested in. This will help to keep the mood light and prevent any arguments from breaking out.

Step 8: Be prepared for the possibility of rejection

It’s important to be prepared for the possibility of rejection when you’re trying to get back together with your ex. They may not be ready to forgive you, or they may have moved on, and that’s okay.

Don’t take it personally if your ex doesn’t want to get back together. Just respect their decision and move on. It’s better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship.

Step 9: Don’t beg or plead

If your ex does reject you, it’s important not to beg or plead with them to take you back. It’s completely useless, and it’ll only make you look desperate.

Instead, simply thank them for their time and politely end the conversation. It’s better to walk away with your dignity intact than to beg and plead for something that’s not going to happen.

This doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to fight for your relationship. It just means that you shouldn’t go about it in a begging or pleading manner.

Step 10: Tell them how you feel

Once you’ve been hanging out with your ex for a while and things are going well, it’s time to tell them how you feel. Be honest and open about your feelings, and don’t try to hide anything from them.

Let them know that you still have strong feelings for them and that you want to give things another try. If they feel the same way, then you can start to work on rebuilding your relationship.

Step 11: Don’t move too fast once you’re back together

Just because you’re back together doesn’t mean that you should move too fast. It’s important to take things slowly at first and make sure that both of you are on the same page.

Work on rebuilding trust and communication, and give each other time to adjust to being back together again. If you try to move too fast, then it’s likely that things will end up going wrong.

For example, it’s not a good idea to start talking about marriage or kids right away. Instead, focus on taking things one day at a time and enjoying being together again.

Step 12: Seek professional help if needed

If you’re back together with your ex, but you’re struggling to make things work, then it’s a good idea to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to communicate better and work through any underlying issues that might be causing problems in your relationship.

If you want to get back together with your ex and make things work, then you need to be willing to put in the effort. After all, relationships take work, and they’re not always easy.

These are the 12 steps that you need to take in order to get back together with your ex. Just remember to take things slowly, be honest about your feelings, and don’t try to move too fast once you’re back together. If you do all of these things, then there’s a good chance that you’ll be able to make your relationship work. And if it doesn’t work out, then at least you’ll know that you tried your best.

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Dating Expert

Janet Smith

Janet Smith is a freelance writer who writes about psychology, relationships, and dating. She has always been interested in understanding the human brain and how it affects our …

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Dating Expert

David Hall

David Hall is a self-taught dating expert who works as a freelance writer to help people improve their love lives. He has always been interested in dating, physical attraction, and …